Dave : hey Rick, check out this Range Rover I've got here. Lovely runner,  only 10 years old, 200,000 miles. Absolute bargain at 3 grand.
Rick: what are you doing?
Dave: working on my patter. I've got the hat now I just need to work on the chat.
Rick: chat for what?
Dave: car sales. I'm going into business. With my natural good looks and charm it'll be a sure winner. We'll make a fortune.
Rick: I don't like to be the person to break it to you Dave but no-one is going to buy a used car from a dog. I mean, you can't even drive can you.
Dave: You have to crush all my dreams don't you
Rick: Can I have my hat back now?
Dave: No

Rick : OK Dave, we need to go to the vet for your booster jabs. I know you're probably a little anxious but don't worry it'll be fine. There will be lots of sad and nervous dogs there. There may be cats. Please stay calm and just don't get all tail between your legs and shaky.

Dave: this is brilliant. Best place ever.

Rick: you're one weird dog .

Dave is exhausted today. Dave's mum was in hospital last night with a troublesome kidney stone and he struggled to settle without her. Maybe he was picking up on everyone else's anxiety. Whatever it was, he tried to sleep on mum's side of the bed but fell off the bed a couple of times in the night. He ended up half under the bed beneath my feet and since our walk to the crematorium and back this morning he has snoozed. Mum is back now but he's playing it cool and taking no notice of her. Dave likes to walk to the crematorium. It gives us the chance to discuss the transitory nature of life and the futility of resisting the flow of time. Dave is cool with that.

Playing in the sun.

It's hot today. The first time for months that we don't have to wear a coat a some point in the day. Dave is always wearing a thick coat and he's not due a hair cut for two weeks yet. I thought it would be nice to cool him down by putting the sprinkler on the hose. I thought we were the proud owners of a sprinkler but I can't find it so I've just parked the nozzle in the top of the hose reel and turned it on.
This is the best thing Dave has seen since that cat. He has spent over an hour trying to bite the water stream and the garden slowly filled up with small children (two, but it is a small garden). Another day we should have spent spring cleaning and we spent it playing.

How could such an innocent poodle have so much mud on his nose?

The is The Kitten. She is Dave's best friend in the whole wide world. She lives at the other end of the village but has come to stay for a few days.

The Kitten hates Dave.
To be fair, The Kitten hates everyone.
To clarify. The Kitten is 13 years old.

Dave is in no way confused by any of this.

Rick: So, you do know you have got a dog bed don't you?
Dave: I ate it

Dave:...so to clarify, can I chase them or not?

Rick: Dave, you smell
Dave: I swam in the river, got covered in mud and just finished eating a chunk of raw meat...you'd smell too.
Rick: So ...bath time.
Dave: Sure....after another swim in the river?

Suckling on an Ice Hand

There are not sensible words to describe why this dog is suckling on a hand made of ice. Sometimes the situation is beyond conversation.

Rick: Dave, you seem to have a moustache!
Dave: It makes me look distinguished.
Rick: You've torn the pompom off a hat haven't you and you're wandering around with it hanging half out of your mouth?!
Dave: Distinguished!